Fully relying on God starts with submission, you have to let HIM be in complete control of your life. I've realized that sometimes it's hard to do, but when you know that HE has a plan for your life and you can accept that HE is in control, it's easy to do. Even knowing this, I found it hard to do the last few months. I knew that it was in my best interest to have a partial hysterectomy, but it wasn't an easy decision to make. It was selfish of me to not want to do it, because having it done meant that I would never be able to carry another baby. Even though we had made the decision to not have anymore kids, just the thought of not having the option to if we changed our minds hurt me. Having my tubes clamped last summer was the best decision for our family. It ensured that we wouldn't get pregnant again, but I also found out I had endometriosis (a feminine disease). I was miserable for months and the only way I was going to feel better was to have the partial hysterectomy. Since I'd had the clamps put on my tubes, I didn't see any reason to wait on having the surgery. I was really upset a few days before the surgery, but now that it's over, I'm at peace with it. I went to GOD with my concerns and I feel a lot better. No, we may not be able to have anymore, but GOD did bless us with 3 amazing, healthy kids. So instead of being selfish, I should have been counting my blessings.... all 3 of them.
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