Saved by Grace through Faith

Ephesians 2:8 
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.


Lately, I find it a coincidence that all of the sermons I hear at church are things I need to hear or are about situations I am currently going through or have gone through recently. I'm starting to take what GOD is showing me and apply it to my life and to help me have closure from my past. If I were to write this blog like I normally do, you'd think I was crazy. Hopefully with GOD's help I will have a clear mind and can write this in an understandable way.


Let me start out by saying that God has been nothing but GRACIOUS to me and my family. I don't deserve HIS love. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, CHRIST died for us." Romans 5:8


 Until recently, I've had a lot of doubt in GOD. When my grandpa died 15 years ago, I let the devil take control of my life. Grief overwhelmed me and I didn't know what to do. I started getting bullied at school and it made me mad and bitter. GOD was there the whole time I was just blind. Two years went by I grieved more when I lost my other grandpa and felt a lot of guilt. I felt guilty because right before his surgery he told me he loved me and I didn't hear him. A few hours later he died and I never got to say goodbye. The devil replayed that day in my head for years so the guilt continued, I couldn't let it go so therefore I never found closure, so I mourned his death for 13 years. Even tho I was an active member at church, in the youth and choir the devil still found ways to tempt me through my suicide attempts, rage, fornication, lies and deceiving. I'm sure he found humor in it, but GOD had a plan! After Jesse and I got married the devil still made sure I knew he was still interested my life. I had been in a 
spiritual battle all this time and I hadn't noticed. 


He really got my attention in 2008, I had distanced myself so far away from GOD. Tori and I started experiencing unexplainable things. One Sunday morning I found it hard to sing at church. (I know it sounds crazy, but it physically hurt my mouth to sing. I'd try to sing but nothing would come out.)
  Tori was having dreams about a witch, then she started seeing it in her bedroom at night. I told her to ignore it and just pray if she saw it again. She came to me one day and said the witch won't leave, not long after that I started experiencing things at home. So many things happened to me that I called paranormal investigators to do an investigation in the house. I never got the results of the investigation, but afterwards things started getting worse. I did a photo shoot in a grave yard,I was portraying a widow in her wedding dress at her husband's grave. While taking off the dress, I noticed I had cuts all over my back that were not there before the shoot. During the shoot I didn't do anything that would cause them and I did not feel anything cut me. The cuts were gone after a week. Not long after that while walking down the hall I heard someone say "momma". The kids were in bed asleep and it was NOT either of their voices, it sounded like a teenage girl. A few nights later I saw a black mist by the window in our computer room and again a few days after my aunt Ann died. Last fall we moved out of that house. We moved in with my parents while trying to find a bigger place because I was pregnant with Eli and needed more room. I saw the black mist twice while living there. 


A few months ago I rededicated my life to CHRIST and that was fuel to add to the devils fire. He let me know again that he was still around. I've not seen or heard anything in the new house, but I've been pushed down the stairs twice since August. The first time was right after we joined our church, it didn't really hurt but it got my attention. The second time was about a month ago, but I wasn't as lucky as the first time. I fell down most of the stairs and almost woke Jesse up to take me to the ER to get an x-ray of my arm. The difference between the "encounters" in the old house, mom and dad's and now this one is that the devil was in control in the other houses, but NOT this one. I think he knows he's losing me to GOD and now trying anything to get to me. Before, I'd be terrified, but now I just say "GOD, he's at it again, please protect my family and me" and I feel at peace. 


GOD has given me so much strength and peace and has opened my eyes so much since I rededicated my life. He's working on our marriage now.(the one area in my life that the devil is still trying to control) It's the last but also the most important thing and I know he's well aware of that. The sermon I mentioned in the beginning was something I wish Jesse and every couple (dating and married) could have heard in person. Jesse and I have (in a since) been to hell and back in our relationship. It went from great to bad to worse for 7 of our 9 years of marriage. I finally stood up to the devil when I had enough and said no more.
I was tired. Tired of the lies and lying and deceiving and repeating my adolescence. He was no longer going to control me. It's hard to sit here and try to explain our relationship, but let me tell ya we're both stronger than I thought I'd ever be or expect a husband to be. We've both put up with so much b.s. from each other, but that's "true" love I guess. Before I post the sermon I want to say that this is a really emotional topic for most couples and it made me cry. Hearing it made me come to terms with everything I had done wrong not only as a wife, but as a mother. This is what the devil is clinging to and hoping we don't get fixed. It's never going to be perfect, but GOD can pick up the pieces and put it back together. Since I was a kid I've heard your marriage should be built on a foundation of GOD. (The story goes that if you build your house by the shore and the sand is your foundation (the sand being the devil) then the sand will slowly wash away, but if it's built on a solid foundation (ie GOD) then it can't wash away.)
It sounds so simple, yet it was so hard for me to do and look at all that it has caused us. I'm praying that this helps open the eyes of anyone who's heart may be deceived just like ours were.
 I really wish we'd heard this sermon before we got married, but I may not have learned the lesson that I needed to so I can be where I'm at right now. 


 Ephesians 5:21-33, one of the most controversial  parts of scripture. 
I'll let this article explain why, but first read the verses...

²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives and Husbands 

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Now to explain why this is so controversial. I am taking this from http://www.wouldjesusgothere.com/wjgt-articles/on-marriage/provocative-bible-verses-marriage 
This was the topic of the sermon.

Over the years these words have been used as a hammer to get women to do whatever a man says, no matter what. The fact is, these words are avoided today by men and women in large part because most people have no clue what Paul was really saying.  So here is your chance to finally get a correct understanding of this very provocative piece of Scripture.

In order to understand what Paul meant we absolutely must get the context.  That means ignoring the little “helpful” headings that most publishers put throughout the passages of your Bible.  

What usually happens is that people jump right in on verse 22, “Wives submit to your husbands”. Any discussion of submission starts and stops with the wife submitting to her husband. But look just before the start of verse 22. What do you see?  There is a little heading that was inserted by the publisher. The intent is to let you know that a new subject is coming.  The subject is Husbands and Wives.  Paul never wrote those words there.  It is not a new subject in verse 22 and the heading only serves to cause huge problems in interpretation.  Let’s take out this little helpful heading and read verse 21 in context with 22 to 33.  Verse 21 is an instruction for all of us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  What Paul then does is give examples for people in various life situations on how to submit to one another.  He says “wives, here is what submission to your husband means in your life.  But then he immediately goes to the husbands and says, this is what submission to your wife looks like for you, “Love your wife in the same way Christ loves the church.  Lay down your life for her”.

Yes wives are to submit to their husbands in the same way the church submits to Christ.  What does that look like?  It means following his lead and serving him out of love.  It is not a blind obedience but a following that comes from a relationship of trust and mutual esteem.  Husbands are to submit their desires to their wife by serving her to the point of death.  Husbands are to “die to themselves” and do all they can to help their wives become the beautiful, precious bride, that Christ also has in mind for the church.  For most men the idea of laying down their life for their wife will immediately go to fighting off an attacker or pushing her away from an oncoming bus while you take a grill to the chest. The chances of either of those opportunities happening are astronomically slim.  What is far more likely is that husbands will be asked to die to themselves and submit to their wives by doing dishes, caring for the kids so she can have a day away, ironing her clothes, or making her lunch.  It includes helping her achieve her dreams and become all that God made her to be. It means putting her first.

For wives, submission means putting him first.  It means to honour and respect him. I have seen far too many cases of wives who never have an encouraging word for their husband.  They never have an honoring or respectful thing to say about him or to him.  In fact in our culture, ridiculing a husband has almost become a national sport.  How hard is it to find something nice to say about the person you are married to? Every man marries a woman wanting her to think that he is the greatest guy in the world.  When all he gets is berating and ridicule, the relationship is in deep trouble.

Some will disagree with me that Paul is talking about mutual submission between husbands and wives and try to make a distinction between a wife’s submission and a husband loving his wife by laying down his life. I say they are the same thing.  The further proof of that is how Paul continues in chapter 5 beyond verse 33.  He goes on to tell slaves how they are to serve/submit to their master and how masters are to serve/submit to their slaves.  He goes even further and does the same thing in the relationship between parents and children. The bottom line is back in verse 21.  We are all to put others before ourselves and serve one another, even submit to one another as Christ serves us. We are all to submit our desires and wants in order to bring out the best in the other person.  This is not about being abused or humiliated. Biblical submission is about honoring another person as one made in the image of God and seeking to do all we can for their honor and well being.  That is Christ-like submission of wives to husbands and husbands to wives.

recovering from surgery

Jesse and I decided that after Eli was born that we weren't having any more kids. Monday morning I went in for surgery to have clamps put on my fallopian tubes. Everything went fine, no complications from the surgery, but the Dr. did find that I have endometriosis (a feminine disease that attacks the reproductive organs and can eventually cause you  to have to have a historectomy). I have 4 photo's showing that I have it, but it seems to be in the early stages. I've read that if it goes untreated it could eventually turn into cancer, but I'm trusting GOD to take care of me like HE always has.

My recovery is going pretty good. My throat was sore for 2 days because of the breathing tube, but it's fine now. My stomach on the other hand, (even with my meds) still hurts. Each day gets easier, but it's hard to take care of Eli. I'm been so blessed to have wonderful friends and a great mom to help take care of us. I don't know what I would have done with out them. Jesse came home from work yesterday morning and surprised me with a get well card and for a brief moment I didn't feel any pain. He can be so sweet when he wants to be lol. 

I'm looking forward to getting better soon because Summer is almost over and we've  promised the kids a trip to Lake Winnie all summer! I can not believe that school starts in 2 1/2 weeks, it seems like they just got out of school.

A new beginning

I'm way behind on the blogging yet again....

So Eli decided to grace us with his presence on Mother's day, May 8, 2011. I'll spare you all the gory details and just say that it was a very long day. I was in labor for 19 1/2 hours, and was sent home in the beginning. I went in because I thought my water broke, but it hadn't. I got home and 30 minutes later it did break, but no contractions. So I stayed home from 4:30am until 8:30. I got to the hospital around 9am and they started the pitocin. I toughed it out for hours but after almost collapsing in the floor while coming back from the bathroom, I decided it was time to give in and get the epidural. I wanted to have Eli naturally just like I did with Nathan and Tori, but just like everything else that happened during the pregnancy, I knew in the back of my mind that this delivery wasn't going to be just a piece of cake. He made his debut at 11:12 pm and weighted 7lbs 13oz and 20'' long, my biggest baby by the way. Because he was born so late, we couldn't leave the hospital until Tuesday and I was ok with that because late Monday afternoon Eli gave us quite a scare. He was having difficulty latching on to me and the bottle so his blood sugar dropped one point away from being critical. My poor baby was so close to going to the nicu and getting a feeding tube. Thankfully the nurses were able to get him to take 1oz of formula and we were released the next day. Getting into a routine at home was easier than I thought it would be. I guess since Nathan and Tori are older and more independent, they don't need me as much so I can focus on Eli when he needs me. Nathan and Tori are awesome at being a big brother and sister and they love their baby brother. Other than the addition of Eli, life at the Lewis house hasn't changed much. My o.c.d. is starting to come out more, I'm back into baby momma mode. And I guess I should explain what I mean lol I've not had to worry about having the floor swept and vacuumed every day until now. Everything dirty bothers me and I can't stop cleaning until it's all done, where as before I could let it go a day or two. Eli definitely made our family complete, but his big sister insists that she needs a baby sister. I informed her that if we were to have another baby, it's very possible that it would be another boy and that I have no control over which one we would be blessed with. She quickly changed her mind after I told her that.

Eli is 2 months old now, but this is a picture from his 1 month photo shoot we had done by photographer Ricky Davis.

Making progress

I had an appointment with my midwife yesterday. They did the last required lab work which was negative. I'm going every week now to check for effacement and dilation. Yesterday she said I hadn't dilated any, but I was 50% effaced, he is still head down and has dropped and so has his heart rate which she said is normal and there is nothing to worry about. Eli is all ready to go, but we're just waiting on my body to say lets go.

The only thing that is missing is Eli....

I wanted to share some pictures that I took today. These are some of Eli's things.

 I hope he likes safari animals. And I can't wait to take pictures of him in his bouncy seat and swing!!

This is the design of his bedding, given by his great aunt Lori.

This is his 4 in 1 crib with change table that Jesse and I bought.

His bouncy seat given by his great aunt Lisa.

His swing given by his great aunt Debbie, and 2nd cousins Heather, Dixie and Leslie.

His pack n play that Jesse and I bought, along with his stuffed animals.

counting down and anxiety

I'm 35 weeks + 1 day today. The contractions are coming every day now, some days are more intense than others but all of them are painful. Even tho I know what to expect going into L&D at the hospital and also for the delivery (assuming that everything will be normal with no complications), I'm still anxious. I'm starting to have anxiety over how we are gonna make this work physically, emotionally and financially. The transition from none to one was extremely hard, going from 1 to 2 was a little difficult, but with Jesse's and my parents help we got through it. Now that the kids are school age, I feel like it's going to be less difficult physically but much harder emotionally. Eli will only be a few weeks old when school gets out for the summer. Thankfully, Nathan is an independent person and he loves to help me around the house. I honestly think he'd rather help me than play. Don't get me wrong, he loves to be outside and be a typical boy but he really does love to help me. Every night when I cook dinner he has to be right there with me to learn how and why I do things, but then he takes credit at the table and says, "yeah! I helped make that, isn't it good"? He is such a character and the most outspoken boy I've ever known. He is so excited to meet Eli and help me. Every time I have a contraction he gets so protective and asks if I need help or if he needs to call somebody if Jesse isn't home. Tori is more like me. She's really laid back and  she'd say something like "momma are you ok"? and then go back to whatever she was doing. lol  It's amazing how much I've learned from them. They have taught me so much and I'm so blessed to have them in my life. I could not ask for better kids!

Almost there

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy with Eli has flown by compared to Nathan and Tori's. There were a few weeks in the 7th month that seemed to creep along, but I'm back to saying "WOW, where did this week go." Since we moved into the new house, my nesting mode went from moderate to extreme. I did take one weekend a few weeks ago to just lay around and relax. Now that we're settled in the house, I've finally found a steady pace to get things done and it's working for now. I can't say enough how grateful I am that Jesse is on day shift. He helps me so much at night with the kids and I don't know what I'd do with out him. Everything has fallen into place and we're all ready for Eil to make his debut. The baby shower was a success, his crib is all put together, bouncy seat and swing have been assembled, his laundry is done and put up. We have all the necessary baby items and for once not stressing about getting it all before he gets here.  Now we're just doing daily house chores and waiting on him to arrive. The kids are so excited about having a baby in the house and both them are full of questions. They're both at the age where I'm still not sure if I should share certain delivery details with them, but I feel like this would be the perfect time to explain and answer questions honestly. I have 6 weeks to decide lol and until then, I'm just going to answer as little as possible. Mommy's just not ready to have "the talk" yet.

And his name is........

Jesse and I decided that we wanted to keep his name a secret for as long as possible and thought that it was a good idea to reveal it at the baby shower. My best friend Laura had a local bakery make the cake and it was so cute!!!

We are so blessed to have a great family and friends! Eli got lots of things and we can not wait until he gets here!! My first 8 month check up is today and I'm anxious to see if there's any progress in his arrival. We still have 6 weeks to go, but maybe Eli will surprise us and make an early appearance!!

Family maternity shoot

I'll be adding more pictures later, but I just wanted to share these. These photo's were taken my by friend Ricky Davis <aka> TRD photography earlier this month. He's an amazing and talented photographer and I HIGHLY recommend him. His focus is mainly in the modeling/music industries, but he does a great job at family photo's as well as landscapes. Check out his family photography facebook page  http://www.facebook.com/pages/TRD-Photography-Weddings-Family-Photography/198200553527903

The End Is Near

A lot has happened since the last blog I posted. God has blessed our growing family in so many ways over the years, but HE has just amazed me in the last two months. Not only were our prayers heard for a new vehicle and home, but Jesse finally got a new job and is working day shift. GOD has been so good to us and we're all VERY thankful!!!


On to the baby news....


The baby is in good health. All lab tests have been negative and he is quite the little gymnist.  Our lil man finally has a name and we are still waiting until the shower to share it with everyone. After months of not being able to decide, we chose two names that meant something special to us. His first name means the same as Jesse's and his middle name is a family name after one of my great grandfathers. Although his first name means a lot to us, his middle name does and always will mean more to me. He will be named after the father of one of the greatest men I have ever known, love and miss very much!! (My grandfather) I never got the chance to meet my great grandpa, but I have a feeling he would be honored to have a great great grandson named after him. 


And if you're wondering how Mom-to-be is, all seems to be going well. I've been experiencing lots of pelvic pressure and numb/stabbing back pain lately and a few mild contractions here and there. I'm really in the nesting mode since we moved into the new house, we're currently trying to unpack the last few boxes and get everything organized. I packed our hospital bag tonight because I have a fear of waiting until the last minute and being without it. lol 
We're all so anxious and excited for the day that he decides to make his appearance. Only 9 weeks to go.

New year = new life

  As we celebrate the beginning of a new year, the Lewis family is also waiting for the arrival of our 3rd and LAST child. Life as we know it will change forever. Adding this baby to our family is a blessing from GOD. This pregnancy has been the toughest so far. I've not had any major complications with the pregnancy, but my body is all kinds of confused. I am allergic to EVERY brand of BAR soap, I am allergic to azithromicine aka z-pack (I've taken it for YEARS and it's NEVER bothered me), and I've been hospitalized for appendicitis, but turns out I didn't have it or an unnecessary surgery THANK YOU GOD!! 




I knew this child was gonna be a boy from the minute I found out I was pregnant. After 20 long weeks, we found out that it is a BOY! Our son was more than happy, but our little girl was heart-broken. She whined and whimpered for the rest of the dr visit. She's starting to come around now. She received 2 life like dolls for Christmas and is learning how to be a "little mommy"  as she calls it. She tells me that she's going to help me with the baby and learn everything, so that when she has kids she'll know what to do. 


                                                           My ultra sound at 20 weeks.

Half of my pregnancy is over and I'm about to start the first week of the 6th month on Wednesday. I am so excited,  It's been 6 years since I've had a baby, so my BFF wanted to throw me a baby shower! I've already registered and I'm getting my guest list together so we can send out invitations in a few months. I fell in love with the colors brown, green and aqua marine blue. And I found the cutest theme at walmart and got lucky, the other places had it too. It doesn't all match exactly, but all the little safari animals are so cute. Kmart has some cute arctic animal things too. Here's two of the pictures of the infant bedding. I can not get over how cute they are.

 I can not wait until our 'lil man gets here. He doesn't have a name yet, but we will have one picked out soon and will announce it at the shower!! 


This is my most recent belly picture. mobile pics will have to do until we get a new camera.