I amaze myself sometimes. I get so worked up and so emotional about some pretty petty things. This week has been a continuation of last week. I just went back and re-read last weeks blog about being faithful, talk about taking your own advice, it was a smack in the face. And it got me to thinking, how many times do we get so mad, frustrated, overwhelmed and your better judgement gets so clouded that we forget about what's important; I've written so many blogs about my heartache and learning and growing from that but the truth is, if I'm still dealing with this kind of thing, then I really haven't grown. I really don't know where I am in my life right now. I know I'm not where GOD wants me to be, but I know at least I think I know that I'm on the right path. And no, I'm not in church every Sunday morning, I make excuses. I've fought this demon for so long but I refuse to let him win. This whole time (the last 8 years) I've been going about it all wrong. I've said in the past that when I have a problem I don't worry about it, I just automatically give it to GOD. Every time something bad happens, every time something doesn't go as planned or my way. Now, the problem is my perspective!!! GOD knows about these petty things, and while HE is worried about them/fixing them the bigger problem is me! The saying you are your own worst enemy is true when it comes to me. If I could just focus on my growth and being the faithful servant I'm supposed to be, the rest will fall into place. GOD doesn't want us to want for anything, HIS job is to provide for us, the way a husband is supposed to provide for his wife/family. I have been so blind lately, so deceived, and worked up over petty things. I have been so selfish, thinking about me and how this or that affects me, what does this mean for me!! I'm ashamed of myself. Just when I think I'm strong, GOD reminds me that I'm still weak and need HIM! I know I will never be strong enough to not need HIM, that's not HIS plan. HE wants us to need HIM, to depend on HIM, HIS love, mercy and HIS grace. Lesson learned LORD, time to move on to the next one.