trasformation setback

This year for our anniversary we took the kids to the mountains. Every year we try to go somewhere with the kids around our anniversary and last year we went alone because we never had a honeymoon. We stayed 3 nights in a 1 bedroom cabin, thank God for the pull out couch. ;)

I was so excited while packing about getting away for a few days, that I forgot to pack my workout clothes. >.<  That was my excuse for not using the gym at our cabin resort. I thought I was eating healthy, minus the whole bottle of captain morgan coconut rum that I drank.... by myself! Note to self.... alcohol and fitness don't mix. I already knew that and reality hit me this morning when I did my t.t. comparison pic from week 5 to week 6 (this week). Although I don't have a time frame on my accomplishments, it's disturbing to me that in 4 days..... I went back to looking like week 4! I'm so glad I started the progression pics. Not to be obsessive, but to see my faults and my successes. I'm not a drinker, usually have 1 drink for my birthday every year and that's it, but I felt like I needed the escape from the stress of this year. We celebrated 12 years of marriage,  me getting through school, and family time. We were active.... no where near what I would have done in the gym, but we walked and swam in the pool. That has to count for something, right? I'll just have to take this as a lesson learned and remember not to do it again. I need to work on my self discipline a little more, stick to my meal plan and keep challenging myself daily.

Transformation Tuesday

4 weeks ago, I decided that I was going to keep track of my transformation. I wanted to watch my progress, but I also wanted to inspire others the same way I have been inspired. I joined an accountability group on facebook and I got an ego boost today. Someone asked me what program I'm using..... My response, I'm NOT on a program. Being able to say that, having someone ask me for advice, and seeing results is so rewarding to me. I'm NOT dependant on a supplement, diet pills, or a fad diet.  I'm just being me, went back to my J.R.O.T.C roots and eating clean. I'm not being obsessive, I've learned to accept my body for what it is (a mess, medically). I've had a lot of setbacks, if you've not read my previous blogs. Most recently, I've been diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance. I also have endometriosis, chronic back pain, chronic migraines, and a few other intestinal problems that I'll keep to myself. I have to be really careful not to strain my neck while I lift even, 20 lb weights. I don't have a secret.... I eat right and I workout, hardcore at least 4-5 times a week and when I don't workout, I hit up my old high school and middle school (they share a driveway) and I walk/run/run stairs. My normal hardcore workout consists of a combination of things. In my last blog I mentioned "dance fitness with Jessica". That's where I get my inspiration. I take things from her videos and make them my own. That's my warm up. Then I grab 1 10 lb weight and lift and do squats with it. After squats, I give my legs a break and work on my triceps and biceps laying on the floor and with 1 10lb weight. After arms, I work my core with a variety of crunches, v ups, pelvic tilt, and I finish with bicycle crunches as fast as I can through the chorus of timber by kesha. I finish with planks and donkey kicks. I can see a huge difference in my calves, thighs and glutes, a small difference in my abs and in my arms. Eating right is the hard part for me. No one wants to eat what I feel like I need to, and I usually talk myself out of making 2 meals for dinner unless it's a grilled chicken salad or I make a huge bowl of tuna salad, something super easy and fast to make. I think that's where everybody gets stuck, or they're so busy that they eat out a lot. One of my goals is to not eat out. My best friend is getting married in November and I'm determined to get rid of the excess skin. Even after doing all of this, I'm maintaining my weight.... I decided a long time ago that the number on the scale, does NOT and will NOT define me, it's just a number. So what If I'm 150lbs, if I tone it up I'll rock every lb of it with confidence. But if for some reason, I start losing, I won't complain. Who would?? My point is, even though I have seen results, I still have setbacks like everyone else. Just take it one week at a time. Whatever obstacle that's in your way, pray for GOD to get you through it. Be faithful and patient. I prayed and waited 1 year, and my problem was a medical condition that I've had for who knows how long. Keep your faith and keep moving forward.

Reward your body, don't punish it

If there's one thing I've learned from fitness, it's NEVER get comfortable. Once something starts becoming easy, it's time to step it up and man did I step it up today. I've not been to the gym in 4 years and I did more there today then when I had a membership. After a really rough week for me and a stressful one for my bff, I felt like we needed to get together and just work out all of the stress... From June 25-June 30th I have 2 grandparent death anniversaries and a deceased grandparents birthday plus the burial days... It's just not a good week for me. My typical workouts at home consist of dance fitness, which is a total body workout and cardio on the treadmill or walking/jogging around my high school. I recently added stairs to my workout and for the first time today I worked on arms and chest and 100 squats. I've been doing squats for a while, well, over a year, but not in the reps my bff does them. I learned a lot from her today. I have all of this inspiration, my head is spinning with all these ideas and there's not enough time in the day for me to workout as much as I'd like. It's very addicting and time consuming. Learning discipline is hard for me. That's what I'm focusing on now and self control. I watched a video this week about a girl who was socially awkward at the gym... she would compare herself to others and she kept saying just one more and then I can have a taco. It's like running a marathon and going out and eating a whole sheet cake. Yuck!!! Part of my weight loss growth comes from watching and learning from other peoples mistakes. Running a mile just so you can have a whole bowl of chocolate ice cream or a banana split is not worth it and you're running for NOTHING!! If you don't have the right frame of mind and giving it 110% you aren't going to lose weight, you're going to maintain it. The point is to trick your body, challenge it daily except for your rest day. You'll see the results, but it won't be overnight, maybe not for 6 weeks, but you might after 2 or 3 weeks. Everybody is made differently, so many body types and every person adapts to things differently. You have to work to your braking point and say "ok GOD, I've given it all I've got, it's all you from here on out". I'm not talking about overexertion, I'm talking about that 110%. Instead of giving up, get up and get away from the tv, the computer, the phone, put down the cake, the ice cream or junk food of choice and get moving, it's called JUNK food for a reason.

Just a little bit stronger

I've had some set backs this week, but I've also lost 3lbs. I've changed my workouts again, and I've really been watching my binging. Seeing other peoples progress has lit a fire in me. I started following a girl on you tube about a year ago, she does dance fitness classes in Knoxville. She got an offer to make a dvd and her workouts have just blown up social media. This girl inspires me so much, the workouts are so much fun and the music she uses is today's rap/pop music. I love her morals, and the VERY personal way she does her videos. If you're looking for a fun new way to workout and don't want to be embarrassed at a local zumba class, you should check out dance fitness with Jessica on facebook. I've been able to go from a 30 minute workout to a 45 minute workout. I've tried pushing my self to reach 1 hour, but I always feel like I'm going to pass out. I've learned over the years to listen to my body and not over do it. I usually do 30 minutes of the dance videos and 15 minutes of running the treadmill and a variety of crunches. I still haven't used the juicer I bought last year.... *goal for the weekend: Make my first homemade juice. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures

No matter how much I try lately, it seems like for every step I take forward I take 3 steps back. I've always had a bad habit of doing things my way instead of GOD's way. I've blogged about this before but I keep coming back to this subject. I've learned to give GOD every situation, because the BIBLE says that it's HIS job to fight our battles, but it's OUR job to take it to HIM. I have a hard time letting go. I'll address the problem with HIM, get impatient and try to deal with the situation myself and I end up right back where I started.... "GOD, I did it again!". There has to be a way..... I've been impatient all my life and it seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, even though I know there is. 

I've been looking back at all of my attempts at weight loss over the past 9 years. I've over come anorexia and depression, I've had my 3rd baby (now 3 years old)  and what seems like the longest list of ever growing medical problems. Each one put a halt to my weight loss. The only positive one being (GOD giving us Eli). 

Talking about some of this isn't easy..... putting it out there for anyone to read. These are very personal things, but I'm willing to come out of my insecurities if that means it will help someone else overcome the fear of going to the Doctor and getting checked out. I'm going to address these in the order I've listed them. 

1.)Anorexia-  Going back to this time in my life is excruciatingly, emotionally, painful and somewhat embarrassing. We were living with my mother-in-law, this was like 2005-early 2007. Not having the ability to purchase a home and Jesse hadn't been an electrical apprentice long, we were struggling really hard to make ends meet even living with his mom. They worked 2 different shifts and I stayed home with the kids. She did her own grocery shopping and I did ours.... for 3 years, pretty much all we ate for dinner was hamburger helper or spaghetti. I had no idea how to make a budget, had no desire to coupon (I still don't really coupon unless I see a really good deal). I don't know what made me think I was fat, but I started to look in the mirror and not like what I saw. I started putting my food on saucers, then I would only eat half of it. It go to the point where I didn't want to eat nothing at all and I wouldn't. One day Jesse came in from work and I told him "I'm sorry but you're gonna have to go finish cooking dinner while I go puke." The smell of food cooking made me sick. That's when I realized I had a problem.This was the only time that I can think of where I asked GOD for help and got an immediate answer. I prayed, asking HIM to help me. The next day, I was eating again. I don't know at what level you would classify my anorexia, mild or whatever..... the point is I overcame it, so that means from now on, I have to fight. Fight hard to keep that chain broken, because for every chain you break, the devil is constantly trying to put it back together. Using weight loss to cripple you...." see, you can't do it.... stop eating and you'll be skinny". What the devil doesn't know is that the temptation is there, but I'm not trying to lose weight to be "skinny", I just want to be healthy.

2.) Depression- This is something I've dealt with since I was a teenager. The death of my mom's dad is what triggered it for me the first time, it took me 15 years to find closure. I also suffer from anxiety (which I'm on medication for) and even though it's sometimes hard to admit you're depressed, it's so amazing what medication can do for you. No, it didn't make me bubbly, like Jesse wishes I would be, it's just not who I am, but I'm not as high strung, I approach things differently and I feel a lot better overall.

3.) Health obstacles- Over the years I've had some complications, but not everything was 100% diagnosed. After I had Eli, we both knew we didn't want any more children. I spoke to my ob/gyn and he agreed to clamp my tubes. While he was performing the procedure, he told me he would be looking for endometriosis since my previous doctor had suspected it. He confirmed that I do have it and that was why I was in pain so often. I was always irregular, never knew when I would start or if it would be 3 or 5 days. I was diagnosed at 11 with ovarian cysts, which my current doctor quickly assured me that I had been misdiagnosed and said it was the endo (It develops at puberty). June 2012 I went back in the OR to have my uterus removed because my pain levels were causing me to constantly be on pain medication. It's almost been 2 years and my pain is almost non existent. I recently went back to get some blood work done to check my hormones (I wasn't prescribed anything after surgery). Everything came back fine except my insulin. With other symptoms and problems like the endo, and current problems and test results, he confirmed that I have poly cystic ovary syndrome. My insulin level was a 6 and he told me I'm insulin resistant. Which basically means that my pancreas is making the insulin, but it's not releasing it so therefore I have to much sugar in my body. I'm not hyperglycemic yet, but if I don't treat it with an anti diabetic medication and go on a diabetic diet, later on in life, I would become a type 2 diabetic. With family history of it, I'm already susceptible, so with being at a greater risk of developing it, I'm taking all the precautions I can to make sure I don't get it.  The p.c.o.s is treatable, he said that my insulin very well may have been elevated due to p.c.o.s and once it's treated, it may go back to the normal range. I do have to follow up on the blood work in a few weeks though to see what's going on. 

I said all of that, to say this.... GOD gives us obstacles like these to make us stronger. I could be a pessimist and say "why GOD???", but instead, I chose to be an optimist and say "challenge accepted". I know in the end, I'll be able to look back and say, " look at what all I've defeated and accomplished" It's going to be so rewarding. Knowing GOD is on my side is all the motivation I need.