For as long as there has been life, there has also been death. From the Garden of Eden to today's society we deal with death every day, whether it's personal, we see it on the news or read it on the internet.... death is all around us. Every one of us deal with death differently, just as there are no two people alike, everyone has a different grieving and healing process. The loss of someone you know and love can have a tremendous affect on us emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I'm going to just go out on a limb here and say that more than 1/2 of people, Christians included, YES! I said even Christians, blame GOD for death, when in fact it's not GOD'S fault, it's just part of life. However, there are things or people in life that cause death in some unexpected tragedy which are not in GOD'S control. Let me explain what I'm saying... (Yes, GOD is in control, but HE also gave us a mind of our own to make choices and they're not always good ones. While GOD may allow someone to die from an unexpected tragedy, HE also has a plan. From that tragedy, HE will in turn, make a lesson for someone. There is a purpose for everything HE does or "allows to happen" even if we don't understand it now, we will when it's HIS will.) We're all guilty of accusing GOD for things that happen in our lives, is it HIS fault? NO, it's our immaturity as a Christian. Does it make us a bad person? No, it just means that we have a lot more learning to do. Try telling that to someone who is grieving. To them, they are just words, in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it's better to just be their shoulder and an ear during the grieving process and be the example while they're healing. Having gone through many deaths in my lifetime, I used to think that I could talk someone through the whole death experience. I was wrong!!! I was faced with the opportunity to try that last year and failed miserably. I had no idea what to say. Sometimes, being that shoulder or that ear helps more than you know, them knowing that you're there if you ever need anything means more than anything you could say that they probably have heard from 30-40 or even more people and are more than likely tired of hearing.
One thing I have learned is how differently people react to death. I, personally, push people away but honestly, at the same time, don't want to be alone. I need to be surrounded by certain people who are a positive influence on me so that I don't do something I would regret. Then, there are the drinkers, people who drink the pain (or so they think) away. The truth is, once you sober up, you still have to face it and in the process of your grieving in this way, other people get hurt. People that you love and care about and that love and care about you. Trying to drink your grief away is a very selfish thing to do. YES, I do have the nerve to say this, because I've been there. I know what it's like and I know firsthand how much it sucks. Feeling alone, sorry for yourself, losing someone you love so much and it's overwhelming, it's just too much to deal with and you need to just "check-out of reality for a while".
After a while, you may realize this on your own, there may be an intervention, or some kind of "wake up call" and it's time to "check back in". It's time to realize that no matter what we say or what we do, our loved ones are not coming back. And much as it hurts, you have to admit that to yourself, have a healthy grieving process of crying yourself to sleep, or venting to a friend, whatever you need.
It took me 15 years to find closure and I found it in my Savior. I knew it was there, but because I blamed HIM, of course I ran from HIM. When I hit rock bottom, physically, emotionally and spiritually and decided that the only way I was going to feel better was to rededicate my life and truly seek HIS will, that's when things started coming back together for me. It all started with me coming to terms with MYSELF!!! While on this journey, the most important thing and something that I read the most, is that if you focus on you and let GOD work and continue to make your relationship better with HIM, things will fall into place. I'm currently reading "Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge and it is helping me so much. After reading the intro and first chapter, I knew why I was so drawn to this when I was searching for books and devotions for couples. It is so much like Jesse and me that it's not funny. There is a line in the book that says " God is going to use your marriage to get to issues in your life HE wants to address". This is a perfect example..... Things happen in life, GOD allows things in life to happen and later reveals HIS plan!! We may be blind in the moment, but if you seek HIS will, HE will make it known, and the important part to remember is to seek HIM!!!!!
Matthew 6:33
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
John 14:27-29
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
28 “You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29 I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe.
Colossians 2:5
5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.