These last few months have been really bittersweet. So much has happened to me spiritually and emotionally I feel like I'm going to burst, in a good way! I feel like I'm going to need to break this blog down into sections so I don't ramble.
Like always, I'm going to let GOD speak through me while writing this blog. Before I begin, I always pray for HIM to guide me through it.
I guess I should begin where I left off from my spiritual awakening blog. I was lost and confused, I thought I had it all figured out. In the last few weeks, I've come to realize that I was talking the talk and not walking the walk. As much as I wanted to believe that I was walking the walk, I wasn't. About a month before we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary I was searching for a gift. I knew that I wanted to find a daily couples Christian devotional for us to do together. I felt like it would bring us closer to GOD and help our relationship. I asked GOD for guidance as I searched. I was looking on a website and there were several books that came up in the search with the daily devotionals. There was one that really stood out, like it was saying oh oh oh pick me, pick me!! I read a little about the book, Love & War and decided that this is what GOD wanted me to do. I was thinking oh,joy!!! As much as I like to write, you'd think that I like to read as well, but the truth is, I HATE reading.
I have to stop and say that while I was ordering the book and devotional, I also purchased several other things as well to go along with our anniversary. We were going away to the mountains for 3 days to have the honeymoon that we never had. When the gifts I had bought started being delivered something unusual happened and I know the devil had a hand in it..... it either didn't fit right (even though it was the right size), it wasn't exactly what I thought I was getting, or it was BROKEN!!! The only thing that was right, was the book and devotional. I was so upset at the way all the other things turned out, but I forgot to be thankful for the one thing that really mattered..... the book, after all this is what was GOING to change our marriage, it was GOING to get us back on track with GOD and it was GOING to make everything better. So the day comes for us to leave. We load up Jesse's truck (an hour later than planned), we drop the kids off then get on the interstate and head north to Knoxville. The whole 2 hours we listened to cd's that we both made for each other with music that reminded us of our love or artists that we both really like.... Traffic wasn't bad, we were making good time and only had to make 1 pit stop. We made it to our destination, but changed our plans for dinner because we didn't arrive until 7pm. We just decided to stop by walmart and pick up some hamburger meat, buns ect and just grill out and hang out at our cabin for the first night. I had checked the forecast that day and the whole weekend was supposed to be beautiful. We pull into the parking lot and the bottom fell out. I was so mad.... so disappointed, "Well, there goes the weekend and everything we planned" said the pessimist in me. By the time we got out of walmart it had stopped raining. We check in at the resort and get to our cabin.... we unpack, Jesse grills the hamburgers while I prep the veggies and set up the table on the back deck.... candles, wine glasses, the whole shebang. I was so ready for this, so needing and feeling so deserving of this time "alone". I felt it was crucial for our marriage that we HAD to have a honeymoon, like our life was going to be so much better if we had it. That night was so amazing. The cabin had a hot tub and even though it was in the middle of July, yes, we had to get in. The master bath had a Jacuzzi tub and yes, we had to experience that too with bubbles and candles and more bubbles... I had ignored what my mom had warned me about only needed like 1/2 a cap full of bubbles and I just poured it in knowing the outcome!! Jesse turned the jets on and...... Bubbles EVERYWHERE!! the walls, the mirror, the bathroom floor all the way to the toilet. We haven't laughed so hard and so much in such a long time and we really needed that! That night we exchanged gifts (one I received on the way up there, a necklace that he'd hidden in the glove box of the truck, so sneaky). I gave him the book last because I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it wasn't bad either... just more or less, "yeah, it might help". The next 2 days were as amazing as the first night. A drive through cades cove walking on trails and taking photo with a tailgate picnic afterwards with an amazing view, riding the biggest Ferris Wheel in North America (which was amazing), listening to free live music, walking through the whisky and moonshine distilleries, shopping, and the bass pro shop on the way home! We had a great time!!
When we got home, my intention was to start reading Love and War together. Jesse started working night shift 2 days after we got back so my idea was for me to read it during the day and for Jesse to take it to work and read it on his breaks. It didn't happen that way. Yesterday I finished the book and all he has read is the intro. He's been reading another book that I did't know about so I went ahead and started reading it on my own and I'm so glad I did. GOD knew I needed this book. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Again, I thought I was walking the walk, but I was just talking the talk. A Christian can quote scripture all day long, but if you don't apply it to your life, it can't truly mean anything to you. That's the way I was. I'm not going to sugar coat anything, I thought I had it together, that my relationship with GOD was good. After all, when I prayed sometimes I could hear GOD answer me subconsciously and that must mean "we're good". GOD let me know real quick that I wasn't. The farther along I got in the book, the more I realized that this wasn't the "how to fix your marriage book" it was a "to fix your marriage you must first fix yourself book". It was purely about focusing on yourself, coming to terms with all of your demons and mending your relationship with GOD. And in turn, as a united front, as husband and wife, you face the daily demons and war together. The devil hates it when families come together in Jesus' name and he does anything and everything to come in between you. Love and War taught me so much about myself. It taught me what my weaknesses are, what demons I'm facing and what GOD wants me to work on. I just have to remind myself that when challenged face to face with a demon to not give in but pray it away, deal with the problem and learn from the situation. I can say so many good things about this book, but I feel like every couple should read it for themselves. It was a huge eye opener to me and it's a great start to a better relationship with GOD and your spouse.
Not only did I need this for our marriage, I needed this for me. I needed GOD to point out my flaws. As HE guided me through the book, chapter by chapter I would hear something like, "you do this" or "this needs to change". I have never felt so ashamed and so humbled at the same time before. GOD had heard my cry for help and through this book, HE spoke to me and gave me the guidance I have been asking for, for years! Now is HIS time, right NOW HE's changing my heart, right NOW HE is showing me how to truly seek HIM. A few times here and there HE would show me, like with my weight loss..... I needed so badly to see some results besides looking at a number on the scale. HE showed me that in the mirror one day so I wouldn't get discouraged and quit. HE showed me because I was being faithful to HIM. I prayed before I did my workouts, I told HIM and myself, LORD, I do this so that I may be able to fulfill your will in my life. I do this so I may keep this temple healthy which you have in trusted in me. I do this so that I may be a good example to others- In JESUS name!
GOD can and will do the same for you, you just have to seek HIM. If you don't know how to seek HIM, I challenge you to pray about it. Ask GOD to show you how, to open your heart and mind, to not be deceived. Ask GOD to forgive all of your agreements you have made so that you can fully focus on your spiritual relationship.
What I mean by an agreement is anything that you do, just because.... example, that's the way I've always done it.... I let people make an impression on me or their attitude rubs off on me. It's like if you don't drink very much and you go out with friends that drink heavily and you get influenced or pressured by them to drink yourself silly. That's an agreement. Or if you work with people who use foul language and they rub off on you and now you find yourself cursing... being around people who influence you in any negative way, with not only drinking, foul language and attitude problem, but so many other things...those are all agreements. Ask the LORD to free you from all of those things, no matter what they may be, so that all of those chains are gone so that you can be set free!!!
LORD,
I'm praying for those who may have just read my blog and are touched by what they've read. For the believers and non believers who have agreements, for the couple that is struggling the way we have been, for the singles who have no idea what your will is in their life. I pray that you bring peace to them, give them the courage and the strength to fight all the demons that they're currently facing and also the ones to come!Give them hope for their futures! I pray that through this maybe a life is changed and if that is the case then all of the praise and glory is given to you! Thank you for allowing me to be a witness to those who will listen. Thank you for your many blessings in my life and in those whom I love and cherish! Thank you for your unconditional love, even though I am so unworthy, you still chose to die for me and for that I am forever grateful.
In JESUS name,
AMEN!
Like always, I'm going to let GOD speak through me while writing this blog. Before I begin, I always pray for HIM to guide me through it.
I guess I should begin where I left off from my spiritual awakening blog. I was lost and confused, I thought I had it all figured out. In the last few weeks, I've come to realize that I was talking the talk and not walking the walk. As much as I wanted to believe that I was walking the walk, I wasn't. About a month before we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary I was searching for a gift. I knew that I wanted to find a daily couples Christian devotional for us to do together. I felt like it would bring us closer to GOD and help our relationship. I asked GOD for guidance as I searched. I was looking on a website and there were several books that came up in the search with the daily devotionals. There was one that really stood out, like it was saying oh oh oh pick me, pick me!! I read a little about the book, Love & War and decided that this is what GOD wanted me to do. I was thinking oh,joy!!! As much as I like to write, you'd think that I like to read as well, but the truth is, I HATE reading.
I have to stop and say that while I was ordering the book and devotional, I also purchased several other things as well to go along with our anniversary. We were going away to the mountains for 3 days to have the honeymoon that we never had. When the gifts I had bought started being delivered something unusual happened and I know the devil had a hand in it..... it either didn't fit right (even though it was the right size), it wasn't exactly what I thought I was getting, or it was BROKEN!!! The only thing that was right, was the book and devotional. I was so upset at the way all the other things turned out, but I forgot to be thankful for the one thing that really mattered..... the book, after all this is what was GOING to change our marriage, it was GOING to get us back on track with GOD and it was GOING to make everything better. So the day comes for us to leave. We load up Jesse's truck (an hour later than planned), we drop the kids off then get on the interstate and head north to Knoxville. The whole 2 hours we listened to cd's that we both made for each other with music that reminded us of our love or artists that we both really like.... Traffic wasn't bad, we were making good time and only had to make 1 pit stop. We made it to our destination, but changed our plans for dinner because we didn't arrive until 7pm. We just decided to stop by walmart and pick up some hamburger meat, buns ect and just grill out and hang out at our cabin for the first night. I had checked the forecast that day and the whole weekend was supposed to be beautiful. We pull into the parking lot and the bottom fell out. I was so mad.... so disappointed, "Well, there goes the weekend and everything we planned" said the pessimist in me. By the time we got out of walmart it had stopped raining. We check in at the resort and get to our cabin.... we unpack, Jesse grills the hamburgers while I prep the veggies and set up the table on the back deck.... candles, wine glasses, the whole shebang. I was so ready for this, so needing and feeling so deserving of this time "alone". I felt it was crucial for our marriage that we HAD to have a honeymoon, like our life was going to be so much better if we had it. That night was so amazing. The cabin had a hot tub and even though it was in the middle of July, yes, we had to get in. The master bath had a Jacuzzi tub and yes, we had to experience that too with bubbles and candles and more bubbles... I had ignored what my mom had warned me about only needed like 1/2 a cap full of bubbles and I just poured it in knowing the outcome!! Jesse turned the jets on and...... Bubbles EVERYWHERE!! the walls, the mirror, the bathroom floor all the way to the toilet. We haven't laughed so hard and so much in such a long time and we really needed that! That night we exchanged gifts (one I received on the way up there, a necklace that he'd hidden in the glove box of the truck, so sneaky). I gave him the book last because I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it wasn't bad either... just more or less, "yeah, it might help". The next 2 days were as amazing as the first night. A drive through cades cove walking on trails and taking photo with a tailgate picnic afterwards with an amazing view, riding the biggest Ferris Wheel in North America (which was amazing), listening to free live music, walking through the whisky and moonshine distilleries, shopping, and the bass pro shop on the way home! We had a great time!!
When we got home, my intention was to start reading Love and War together. Jesse started working night shift 2 days after we got back so my idea was for me to read it during the day and for Jesse to take it to work and read it on his breaks. It didn't happen that way. Yesterday I finished the book and all he has read is the intro. He's been reading another book that I did't know about so I went ahead and started reading it on my own and I'm so glad I did. GOD knew I needed this book. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Again, I thought I was walking the walk, but I was just talking the talk. A Christian can quote scripture all day long, but if you don't apply it to your life, it can't truly mean anything to you. That's the way I was. I'm not going to sugar coat anything, I thought I had it together, that my relationship with GOD was good. After all, when I prayed sometimes I could hear GOD answer me subconsciously and that must mean "we're good". GOD let me know real quick that I wasn't. The farther along I got in the book, the more I realized that this wasn't the "how to fix your marriage book" it was a "to fix your marriage you must first fix yourself book". It was purely about focusing on yourself, coming to terms with all of your demons and mending your relationship with GOD. And in turn, as a united front, as husband and wife, you face the daily demons and war together. The devil hates it when families come together in Jesus' name and he does anything and everything to come in between you. Love and War taught me so much about myself. It taught me what my weaknesses are, what demons I'm facing and what GOD wants me to work on. I just have to remind myself that when challenged face to face with a demon to not give in but pray it away, deal with the problem and learn from the situation. I can say so many good things about this book, but I feel like every couple should read it for themselves. It was a huge eye opener to me and it's a great start to a better relationship with GOD and your spouse.
Not only did I need this for our marriage, I needed this for me. I needed GOD to point out my flaws. As HE guided me through the book, chapter by chapter I would hear something like, "you do this" or "this needs to change". I have never felt so ashamed and so humbled at the same time before. GOD had heard my cry for help and through this book, HE spoke to me and gave me the guidance I have been asking for, for years! Now is HIS time, right NOW HE's changing my heart, right NOW HE is showing me how to truly seek HIM. A few times here and there HE would show me, like with my weight loss..... I needed so badly to see some results besides looking at a number on the scale. HE showed me that in the mirror one day so I wouldn't get discouraged and quit. HE showed me because I was being faithful to HIM. I prayed before I did my workouts, I told HIM and myself, LORD, I do this so that I may be able to fulfill your will in my life. I do this so I may keep this temple healthy which you have in trusted in me. I do this so that I may be a good example to others- In JESUS name!
GOD can and will do the same for you, you just have to seek HIM. If you don't know how to seek HIM, I challenge you to pray about it. Ask GOD to show you how, to open your heart and mind, to not be deceived. Ask GOD to forgive all of your agreements you have made so that you can fully focus on your spiritual relationship.
What I mean by an agreement is anything that you do, just because.... example, that's the way I've always done it.... I let people make an impression on me or their attitude rubs off on me. It's like if you don't drink very much and you go out with friends that drink heavily and you get influenced or pressured by them to drink yourself silly. That's an agreement. Or if you work with people who use foul language and they rub off on you and now you find yourself cursing... being around people who influence you in any negative way, with not only drinking, foul language and attitude problem, but so many other things...those are all agreements. Ask the LORD to free you from all of those things, no matter what they may be, so that all of those chains are gone so that you can be set free!!!
LORD,
I'm praying for those who may have just read my blog and are touched by what they've read. For the believers and non believers who have agreements, for the couple that is struggling the way we have been, for the singles who have no idea what your will is in their life. I pray that you bring peace to them, give them the courage and the strength to fight all the demons that they're currently facing and also the ones to come!Give them hope for their futures! I pray that through this maybe a life is changed and if that is the case then all of the praise and glory is given to you! Thank you for allowing me to be a witness to those who will listen. Thank you for your many blessings in my life and in those whom I love and cherish! Thank you for your unconditional love, even though I am so unworthy, you still chose to die for me and for that I am forever grateful.
In JESUS name,
AMEN!